By Ann M. Carothers
As I sit at my desk writing these words, my younger brother lay in a bed dying from cancer. I have thought about writing my entire life. I like words and I like the impact that words can have on a being. I just never thought I would be writing under circumstances like these. I am not completely sure why I am writing about his dying. I think a large part of it is that he has so much anger and fear that I feel I need to try to help him over it all. I don’t know if my words will ever reach his live ears but I do know that eventually he will know what I have written. There are many who know what really happens when you die. They may have had a near death experience and gone into the light or they may have an ability to reach the other side and been taught what it is. But for every one of us that knows, there are more of us that don’t. With doubt there is fear and I am praying that by writing this I can help put some of those fears to rest.
You see I have been interested in not only writing my entire life but also very interested in the occult. I say the word with a grin because when people think about the word occult visions of devils and witches appear in ones mind. That is not the occult I am going to deal with here. I personally do not believe that such entities exist. I know there is evil but I believe that evil is something that man has created. It is not from God and it is something that not one of God's children has to deal with. Oh no, there is that word, God, the one word that makes many want to close books and ignore words. I am going to ask at this point that you read just a little bit further. What this book is in reality is about one simple layman who has strong believes and would like to share them with anyone who wants to open their eyes to another way of looking at life and death.
As I stated I have been interested in the spiritual realm since I was a teenager. I would get high with my friends and wonder what it was really about. In my elevated state I would be able to feel and hear the spirits that I have come to know over the years. I have your interest now don’t I? Everyone loves to read about people who are different. When you read this you will find by the end of the book that I am not insane. Even if you are then convinced that I really am, I will not have a problem with that because you have read my words and they may have helped you get over some of the fears that you have had all your life.
I must say that is truly the basis of my book. I have been a Christian all my life. I have gone to many different churches and I have found that they all have one very distinct concept. They deal in fear. I was afraid to live because I would be sinning and I was afraid to die because I was a sinner and I knew I was going to go to hell. What a horrible dilemma. Here I am a child of God. I have been given a mind and feelings and emotions and then I am told that there is only one way to live and that is as a sheep. I must follow my Shepard with eyes closed and without a second thought to where he will lead me. I am still a Christian and I know without doubt that God exist. I just cannot with good conscience follow all of the beliefs that some people are able to follow without question. For those people I have only complete respect. I wish I were someone who could read the Bible and know without question that every word within was correct and true. I would love to be able to open the book and understand all that is being said. The fact of the matter is that I am not. I have searched my entire life for a truth. What I have found is that there are many truths, mine is only one example.
Love is the basis of my belief. It is pure and simple and it is what I believe God is, complete and unconditional love. I do not believe that God punishes you and I do not believe in a hell. I know that this is a very dangerous belief for some. The church has to convince you that there is a hell so you do not kill others or lie or cheat or steal or any of the other so-called sins that are out there. I also know that some must have this belief only because it is so simple and unchallenging. I really am not saying anyone is wrong in what they believe. Everyone’s reality is different, does that make them wrong? Of course not, it only makes them different. That is one other thing God has blessed us with. We are all individuals and with that small amount of individuality we have the ability to think for ourselves.
There are many books out there today that talk about what it is to die, where you will go and how there is no need for fear. My book is not very different from some of those books. The main difference I want to show is that you don’t have to be a psychic to know the truth. The truth is within all of us. You only need to open your heart and you will also know. Personally, I use automatic writing to reach my higher self.
Automatic writing is when you relax your mind and allow the spirits, or your subconscious to write the words you will then see on the paper. I say it is either a spirit or your subconscious because I truly am not sure where the writing comes from. I do know that it comes from another level of consciousness. I began to do automatic writing in my twenties. I was married for the first time and I wasn’t working. I had already had my experiences with witchcraft, ghost, and many other aspects of the occult. In my teens I had called myself an atheist and began practicing witchcraft. Even during this time frame I never stopped praying. I would tell a friend that I didn’t believe in God and then I would pray for him to forgive me for saying those words. I guess I wanted to be heard and that was a definite way of getting others attention.
I studied many books on the occult. I tried experimenting with things I knew very little about. One of my Aunts was just as interested and we would try to work a Ouija board or send each other mental presents. The mental presents were very interesting. We would form the present in our minds giving it size, color, texture, taste, and smell. We would make it consist of all the senses and emotions that encompass our existence. We would then wrap it in a pretty package with bows and ribbons and have the other’s name on it. We would then let the gift grow by forgetting about it for a couple of weeks. Neither one of us let the other know what we were sending. When we felt that it had grown enough we would then send it to the other. The first time my Aunt sent me energy. I was at work when I received my package. I began to shake and felt as though I couldn’t sit still. At the time I didn’t know she had sent her package out and I didn’t know what she had sent me. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and thank God it only lasted for a short time. When we talked later that day I found out why I was feeling as I had at work that day. My package was also a success. I sent her husband a nice strong dose of the emotion love. They had been having marital problems and I wanted him to treat her the way he had when they first got married. Her husband brought home flowers and they had a wonderful evening of lovemaking. I loved the idea that we were able to do this with our minds but saw very little benefit in it.
Knowing that there were forces out there that I didn’t understand I continued to study books and experiment when I was able. I had read a book that covered the subject of automatic writing and decided to give it a try. I was successful almost from the beginning. I loved to be able to sit and write down answers to questions that had perplexed me throughout my life. I wrote for many hours and became very enlightened. There was only one problem; when you have few questions, you get few answers. I was still under the influence of the churches that I had attended throughout my life and carried a lot of fear with me. I was not about to challenge God or any of his messengers. I was very careful about what I asked and never once did I dispute anything that was written. In all actuality, my automatic writing lasted only a few months. I wanted something more concrete as my proof. I decided I would attempt to do astral projection.
This was much more difficult for me. I tried for years to get out of my body with only one successful journey that I was aware of. The churches had done a very good job with me and I was terrified to actually leave. I had discussions with a man of God and was told that anything occult was from the Devil and that regardless of what was said it was only a trick to get me to give myself over to him. He was completely convinced of this and it put enough doubt in my mind that I feared trying anything for many years to come.
As my fears subsided a bit I would from time to time attempt to leave my body but I had all most completely forgotten about the automatic writing that I had been so successful with. As the years passed I continued to read what I could about this life, the next life and how God fit into the scheme of it all.
I had completely stopped going to church (not that I didn’t believe that God existed but I couldn’t find a church that had the same believes that I did). When my youngest son came of school age things changed a bit. I wanted him to be able to make his own choices concerning God and the religions, so I enrolled him in a Lutheran School. One of the criteria in the school was that the parents of the children enrolled become a member of the church. I started my classes and decided that I would bite my tongue when things were said that I disagreed with. All went as planned except when the time came for me to join I was told that I couldn’t because I was living with my son’s father without the benefit of marriage. The church would not sanction living in sin. All this took over two years for them to decide. During this time frame my father became ill. I knew the power of prayer and asked the church to say a prayer for him. I was told that they only prayed for members. Needless to say I left the church and put my son in a public school.
I felt I had tried to open myself up to the beliefs that society accepted. I also knew there was a reason that it had turned out so bad. I didn’t know what the reason was but I knew that I didn’t belong in a church where they taught love but lived without it. I continued my quest for answers.
Society was becoming more open to Eastern religions. The occult, as it was called for the many years that I had tried to study it. I was able to find books about seeing auras, and books that taught you how to leave your body were readily available. Angels where becoming an accepted thought form. While reading a book about angels and how to contact them, I was again introduced to automatic writing. It was given as a way to communicate with your guides. I picked up a pen and gave it a try. What I discovered was I had not lost any of my writing ability. The energy that directed my hand at age twenty was still alive and very willing to answer more questions. The difference is I have many more questions now than I ever had as a woman in my twenties. One of the thoughts that have been expressed to me through my writing is that I need to write a book. Here I am and with the help of my Angel I am going to try to dispel some of the myths and fears that our society has instilled in the minds of Gods children.
Closing Doors on Our Fears
One of the biggest deterrents from doing anything within the realm of the occult is fear. It’s not surprising considering that we are told from the day we can understand that there is good and there is evil. God is good but he can be evil if you do not do what he says you must do. The Devil is just plain evil. So there you have this conflicting idea of what God is and what he is all about. I was, and still am, to a point, so filled with fear that I am still not able to leave my body or to see an aura. The aura is the colorful electrical field that surrounds us.
When I was a child I can remember flying over the fields that surrounded our farmhouse. I can still see the apple orchard and the little stream that was at the edge of the woods not too far from our home. Was this a dream? When I was a child I believed it to be. I now believe that I was out of body and actually flying over our land. I sometimes get angry at the society that told me this was crazy and that people were not able to fly. As I said earlier, I was able to get out of my body one time in adulthood. That had given me the proof that I needed to know it is real.
I am here to try to help you release yourself from the fears that have been embedded in your subconscious for so many years. While thinking about doing this, I have to once again smile. How do I (someone who has not been able to release themselves from many of these fears) propose to help anyone else beat his or her fear? The truth is I have always been better at giving advice than I have been at taking it. Besides, I have the Angels helping me and they are not afraid of any of the things that we as mortals fear.
One of the fears that caused me to pause when thinking about automatic writing was the fear of being possessed by an evil entity. I should say at this point that I am of the mind that thought is. While doing astral projection a person only has to think about where they want to be and that is where they are. I have been told through my writing that possession is not possible but because I still carry some of the fears with me I had my own doubts. To safeguard myself I turn to prayer. I personally know that prayer is very powerful. A person can have anything they want through prayer. After I say my prayer I relax with pen in hand and either ask a question or let the words appear. It is a simple process but will not be obtained if there is too much fear.
People have been told through out their lives that anything having to do with the occult will bring disastrous results. Then you throw in all the teachings about any deviation from God being a sin, the only out come is fear. What do we have to base any of our beliefs on except fear? I was talking with my son just a few days ago. I was telling him that when he was young he was fearless. I had commented many times to family members just how fearless he was. Then it seemed almost over night he feared everything. He went from not noticing the dark to needing a night light. He was afraid to walk anywhere in our home even in the daytime. After we had our discussion I began to think about it a little deeper. It was then that I realized his fear coincided with him going to a Lutheran School.
What happened to my fearless son? The school began teaching him that there is a God and there is a Devil. That sin exists in all of us from the day we are born. They told him that God would punish him for any and everything he did that wasn’t God-like. There is no one in this world that can live up to the code the church would have us believe we are supposed to live up to. According to them if you even think an unclean thought; you are just as guilty as if you acted out said thought. I say that is ridiculous. If you take everything the church teaches, you would have to conclude that God is a big prankster. He is going to take a man and give him individual thought and then he is going to punish this man for having the thoughts he has given him the ability to have. I cannot get into a mindset of accepting that this is who my creator is. The God I worship is a God of love and understanding. Does he want me to lie or cheat or steal? If that is who I have written myself to be then yes, that is who I must be.